And yet I feel like I’m being pushed try to figure out things that usually take longer than I feel I have in my deadline. Trying to figure out what I’m going to do and where to go. I know I can’t afford to live on my own nor do I want to sign a lease for a year. I need and will be working with my Dr and therapist to show what horrible damage I endured. How much Mr. Holt abused me emotionally and mentally and how much this controlled my life and F U C K E D me up. Can any seriously one understand that? And then he murdered my cats and fucked me up more. So I’m stressed to the fucking max and I’m trying to hurry up and wait for the extra shoe to drop for me.
I feel I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. That most are at a loss to know what to do, what to say or how to deal with me. My dad and step mom took me out for pizza before work Saturday which was nice and Sunday Sue and I and Paula went for coffee. It had been the first time in awhile I had seen Paula. It has been difficult trying to deal with this. But I am trying the best I can. I need a safety net. I have Joe that I am afraid that I’m going to mess things up with because this is too much for anyone. And I’m so broken. So very damaged.
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You got out of the house, which is a good thing. I think, given your situation, you might discuss with your therapist and support team what options would be best for you. Maybe a studio? I know it’s not exactly ideal, but it does give you some space for yourself and a smaller month to month expenditure.
Seriously – get in touch with you local women’s shelter and abuse groups. They have resources, hun, and that’s what you need right now. Options, and people who understand the hell you have been through.
I hopefully will be able to get some help from them. It scares me that they don’t run a dv group as they did in past which my fear is if they can’t even have a dv group how will they be able to help with something bigger? Or is it that they have some and they don’t have enough for groups?
I don’t know – but asking them for resources may take you to a DV group. What you’ve got is pretty darn huge – more than the average bear, to quote Yogi. Have you spoken with any animal support groups, ASPCA or the like locally?
Locally the only person who has done anything for me is the veterinarian that I took Dexter to. There’s no local ASPCA and the Animal Shelter couldn’t get off the phone fast enough with me. People like burying the truth or not seeing it. That’s the unfortunate truth.