I’ve laxed quite a bit with my writing and my artwork for the past month. Reflections of July for this year was muddy and difficult. Not saying that the difficulty is done but I have a different perspective now. Last I wrote was beginning of July just before the difficult days that I face and hoping to change that in the future… perhaps some hope huh?

Wish I could say that was the end of the clouded crap of July but it was a very craptastic month for me. I’m going through a divorce and still living with him (in separate bedrooms and conflicting schedules so I don’t see him much and that’s fine) and trying to sort out everything that needs to be separated… like bank accounts. This is my rant on banks. I am not a huge fan of banks right now. First off when one decides to get a joint account decide against it because as the non primary member you get screwed. I couldn’t just have his name removed, even with him there and I found that to be retarded. It was my money too and in the end it was only mine going into the account so why with him there can he not just take his name off and give me the account. Why does one have to start a new account? I find that utterly retarded.  I found I’m not the only one that got screwed in this fashion regarding banks, a friend recently became a widow and her and her spouse had a joint account and the bank informed her that while they screwed up when they added him to the account by making him the primary on the account even though she was the one that started it to begin with, now that he passed away she would have to open her own account and start over. It is stupid people. Fix this shit cause I thought mine was bad but as a widow you have enough shit to do with everything and the last thing you really need (and trust me on this) is to go through the crap to start a new account and wait for your freaking debit card and get all the shit switched and waste an assload of time and not be able to cash your check (that’s something I went through) because of a holding or grace period.  I hate money issues and in this past month it’s been more of a headache than anything.

Here’s my rant on doctors and no offense if you’re a doctor. I don’t know if it’s everywhere but it seems doing most things these days takes up a lot of time and I think that is part of the reason people procrastinate doing certain things. Especially the doctor visits. I am not a fan of hospitals, nursing homes etc… I respect nurses and some doctors (don’t get me wrong) it’s a noble profession. I just hate for me renewing prescriptions and having to go to the doctor for my anxiety medication, there’s nothing they need to do really except write the stupid rx. I don’t like wasting money or time to make an appointment and see them so I can spend a good hour or more of my time so they can see me for 5 minutes tops to give me a medication I’ve been on for years. Listen to your patients fools! It’s not that damn hard. That’s why I miss Linda back home, she did listen and I actually looked forward to seeing her. Thanks Linda! I miss you.

So I’ve had money issues this last month and I still need my rx which when I called the doctor they said have the pharmacy fax, blah blah blah. So I did and still waiting. It’s crap and I hate it. I’ve been more than a bit frustrated this month. I was seeing this different guy for a while and things seemed great and then they weren’t. I don’t appreciate going from talking often and sharing woes etc to barely hearing a peep. I do understand one being busy and the person was busy before but  a lot changed when he moved and one major change was the lack of communication on both sides.  When communication dies and one feels abandoned with the mess of their lives it makes for a tragic ending. What also does is ultimatums. I don’t know why people feel that when you’re in a relationship and you’ve been open and honest that it’s a good idea to completely flip your shit and change into a different person and then give the other person an ultimatum.  That my folks was the ending of the short-lived relationship I had.  It went from talking everyday for many hours and texting and seeing each other often to barely a phone call which was riddled with frustrations on both ends and short lived and hardly any texts and not seeing each other. That’s how a relationship breaks and the ultimatum in the end  was the bitter icing on the cake. But now that is over.

August is now a new month and hope springs eternal. The banking, changing direct deposit and money issues should straighten themselves in the next week or so and I have an interview for a different job this upcoming Monday. I have a plan and I’m trying to figure out how the other pieces of my life are going to fall into place. Here’s to hope and new beginnings.